All posts by Hugh Smith

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Faith, Fellowship, Higher Power, Journaling, Purpose

First, be true to one’s own self.

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Way 13 of the 15 ways to leave the prison of depression.

“I’d rather be imperfect and happy than always trying to be perfect.”

One of the areas in my life where I strive to excel is in the area of trying to be perfect. Somewhere in our early development as children we got the message that if we were perfect we could be more acceptable to others. I gradually began to believe the more I tried to please others that this would bring me  happiness. Instead, all it brought me was a loss of myself. The loss of self reduced me to a shallow self without direction or meaning. I also had the false belief that the more predictable life is, I felt the less stressed my life would be. But in reality, just the opposite happened. By holding onto life with a tight grip, I needed to make sure that any decision that I made would have to have a predictable outcome.  I could only operate if there were no risks involved in what I planned to do. This kept me gradually pulling away from forming new relationships  and trying new things in my life.

Eventually, my depression became sort of a comfort as it kept me from having to risk an unpredictable life. In other words, this way of living took away all hope. This is what keeps many  of us depressed. We hold onto the mistaken belief that since bad  things happened in the past, bad things will continue to happen to us in the future.

This belief keeps us locked up in the prison of depression. We don’t believe anything will change. What a set up for depression. We have a difficult time realizing that we do have a choice in the way we think, feel and behave. We can live a life free of misery by following a recovery program as outlined in the suggested 12 steps of Depressed Anonymous. By coming often to meetings and getting involved with others not only gives us reason to have  days filled with friends and help, it also provides us with a daily program  step-by-step,  for leaving the prison of depression.”

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SOURCE:   COPYRIGHT(C) BELIEVING  IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON  OF DEPRESSION  (2017) . Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 63-64.

For more information about literature that is available please VISIT THE STORE here at this site.

DA Literature, Fellowship, Grief, Hope, Journaling, Spirituality

“…spiritually engaged individuals (depressed)were in touch with something important…” David Karp

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As a professor of Sociology at Boston University, David Karp  describes in his book SPEAKING OF SADNESS his spending  time interviewing 50 men and women about their own personal depression experiences. The following are some of his thoughts about  those persons whom he interviewed and who saw a connection between spirituality and depression.

I too found that  this connection  also  provided  me  with  a solid and healing plan for leaving my own depression.

I found a spirituality that produced my own personal transformation  by using the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous. These steps are based on the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps and take the depressed person through a process of incremental  healing actions  which gradually can loosen the bonds of their sadness.

Here are some of the findings  Karp shares with the reader of  his own feelings about  those who spoke about the power of  a spirituality   which provided them hope during their depression experience.

” I was leaving many of my interviews awed by the courage and grace with which certain people faced unimaginable   pain and loss. I was especially impressed with those who spoke of their depression as a gift from which they had learned valuable lessons. While I could not relate emotionally or intellectually with visions of reincarnation or explanations of depression as central to a God -given  life mission. I left many interviews with a sense that spiritually engaged individuals were in touch with something important.  The issue was not a matter of evaluating the truth of their particular brand of a spirituality. What I felt was a measure of envy of those who displayed an acceptance that seemed to me incongruence with accounts of exceptional pain.  The people possessed or knew something that I didn’t.”

SPEAKING OF SADNESS by David Karp. (1996), Oxford University Press, Inc. pg. 191..”

And K. Duff shares with us that

“…illness is an opportunity for enlightenment, that, seen the right way, we do not cure illnesses –instead, they have the potential to cure us. This happens when we realize that illness is “not so much a state of being as a process of transformation.”  In K. Duff, The Alchemy of illness(New York):Simon and Shuster, (1993). pg. 191.

In  our  Step Manual , Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition,( 2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville., a work which includes many stories shared by those who use the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps for their own recovery and transformation.  Also, this book is written by those who were depressed and graciously share their stories on how Depressed Anonymous transformed their lives.

Like Karp states in the  section quoted above how I too see my depression as a gift, as for the last 30 or more years my life mission has been to bring hope to those still suffering from depression. Almost every day I speak, write to someone , or continue to get the message out with  our DA publications how  I have been and continue to be transformed  by putting  to use in my own life  the spiritual principles of these Steps. For this  reason we continue to   establish   mutual aid groups for persons depressed.

In some of our next  blogs I will continue this most important discussion about depression and its connection to the power spirituality.

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Community building, Fellowship

I discovered a rule for living! I don’t have to try and do this alone

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The Twelfth Way out of the prison of depression with excerpts from Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression.

“Our Depressed Anonymous program of recovery is one of hope and peace. The more active I become in my efforts to think and act positive, the more confident and free I become.”

When I was depressed I just wanted to hide and isolate myself from others and friends. I cut myself off from family and friends. We didn’t want anyone to bother us. We wanted to be left alone. But ultimately this attitude and behavior only helped me  dig a  deeper hole.

I discovered a rule of living  that  if you want to become free, the best way is to participate  in a group of people who know what it is to be depressed and share a plan that works.

“The benefit of participating in a group far outweighs the negative when we are depressed. While depressed you may feel that your social skills have suffered, even so believing that by being a member of Depressed Anonymous,  your abilities to fellowship with others  will be strengthened. Your life will definitely be enriched. You will start feeling different about yourself the more meetings you attend. In time you will be taking the focus off yourself as you listen to how others are showing improvement of mood and behavior.  You will discover that they are much like yourself. You are not alone. You begin to hope again.” Page 62.

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SOURCE:   BELIEVING  IS  SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION. DAP. Louisville.

Order this book online  and VISIT THE STORE and check out the other books offered  by Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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“there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking.”

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I can manage whatever comes at me today, in this 24 hour period.

“Thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that power, and to do certain simple things, there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, a peace, happiness and sense of direction flowed into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith.”

Bill W.

Source: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of the 12 Step fellowship. (1993). Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. pg. 122. Meditation for July 25.

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One can purchase this eKindle book online at the website www.depressedanon.com. Other literature is available as well.

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Focus on your “stars” and not your “scars”.

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# 11  of 15 Ways to leave the prison of depression.

ELEVEN

“I make a daily inventory of all my positive strengths. I tended to magnify the worst in everything in my life and make mountains for  molehills. I will focus on my stars and not my scars.” Believing is Seeing. pgs. 57-59.

As therapist, and with a new counselee beginning  therapy, I always asked them one question,  simply  put, was to have them list their  strengths. I  suggested  for them  to  list no more  than five.  With  a pencil and paper in their hands I waited to see what they had listed as strengths. I waited. And I waited some more. ( I might add that this was my format for anyone who made an appointment to talk about their experiences  with depression.)

After a bit, I them asked if they could share with me the strengths that they had put down on paper. Sheepishly, they told me that they were unable to mention any “stars” or personal strengths. “None came to mind” was their answer. But over time, when the fog of pain disappeared, their list  of strengths were gradually  unearthed and these strengths began to lengthen with each new meeting.

One of the realities that stands out in our lives when depressed is that we see everything  in dark colors. Nothing looks hopeful. There does not appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel  –  we do not have a friend in  the world. We feel we will never feel good again. The list goes on and on.

“By the fact that you are reading this, (Believing is Seeing) takes the strength to want to feel good and continue to maintain a positive recovery.  Begin now and reflect on your strengths. Believe that you have the strength to   maintain them  each  day. Your personal strengths maintain  a personal persistence and a desire to continue with gratitude this new feeling of hope.” pg. 59.

For an added resource  one can also use the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  as an excellent resource in  discovering our  ” stars” that are /or have been part of our lives before we became frozen in the fear and hurt of our depression.

 

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Believing is Seeing: 15 ways to leave the Prison of Depression. (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 57-59.

Copyright (c)   The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT OUR STORE where you have the opportunity to order our literature online. You’ll be glad that you did!

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“I can be hopeful today!”

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” I have an absolute certainty gained by my meetings, my friends in the program, and the literature that I read, that I can get better. I have this feeling in me that since this universe is operating on a regular harmonious  principle of  unity, I need to run on the same principle. The principle that I want to guide my life on today is that I can indeed be hopeful if I want to be. My depression, if allowed free reign, could lead to worse scenarios where my life is now.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

“The more conscious I am of God being in charge of this universe and it seems to be operating on its own pretty well, the more we want to try and let go of controlling everyone’s life  and world. We pray that our Higher Power will guide us beyond the limits of our absolute beliefs and into  a new world where we can be a different person and free.”

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for Members of 12 step Fellowships. (2007) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 145, 146. July 21.

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Please  VISIT THE STORE, for more information on how to order this book online. One can also order the  eKindle version of Higher Thoughts online.

Fellowship, Miracle Thinking, Mutual Aid

The healing shows on the faces of all those who keep coming back to meetings

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THE TENTH  WAY to leave the prison of depression. #10 of 15.

“I know that with time and work I will get better and out of my depression. I believe that though I might feel helpless, I am not hopeless. I will make a decision to get better today!”

One of  the most heartening phenomenon of our 12 step program for persons depressed is to see how quickly healing becomes apparent to those who keep coming back to meetings. The healing shows on the faces of all those who keep coming back to meetings.They commit themselves to getting better. The work that one has to engage in is a deep desire to quit sadding  themselves. This means that a person depressed really must make a commitment to themselves, that with time and work, they can leave the prison of their own depression.

This statement of belief is so important that it, like the rest of the 15 ways to leave the prison of depression provides hope for those still suffering from depression. Just by coming to the meetings, even when we don’t feel like moving out of our isolation and comfort zone. This is in itself an investment that must be made if we are to reap the dividends of healing which can be ours. The program works by investing your time and energy in it.

Depressed Anonymous provides a step-by-step program of recovery and doesn’t talk in vague generalities about your own depression experience. Actually,  the program offers a map where you can walk out of your past filled with negative thoughts and  behaviors  creating your own new hopeful lifestyle. The Depressed Anonymous mutual aid  group is the  “miracle”  incentive for getting ourselves motivated   and living with hope. The group provides a continued acceptance and support for your life. The purpose of the 12 steps is to free ourselves from the debilitating isolation and pain of our sadness. We realize now that it is by accepting responsibility for our physical, emotional and spiritual care of self that predicts the hope filled long-term effect of a life lived without depression.

First of all, what gains consciousness is to be aware of  one’s  own need to discover what there is about myself that I do not find acceptable, good and  wholesome. Secondly,  preparation. I am aware of how I have depressed myself by the faulty beliefs that I’ve held about myself over the past years. I now know that part of the way I feel is due to the way I have automatically talked to myself throughout the day. I now realize that my feelings about myself have continually been very negative and emotional laden. Now I take action. I intend today to replace all negative statements that I make about myself, they are like waving a red flag  before my eyes. Every time I call myself stupid or put myself down mentally, I will substitute  affirmations such as the following:  I will build a new life for myself. I am strong today. I have the courage to go through this experience. I will no longer blame myself or others for my depression. I do not have to wait for someone to make me feel better, as I can do this myself if I choose to do so. And this will   sustain me and not just for today but every day of my life.  I’m going to tolerate my imperfections while at  the same time refusing to feel sorry for myself.  I am going to make myself accountable for how I feel… and not blame it on someone else.”

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Sources: The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. pages 51-56.

Please VISIT THE STORE where all publications of Depressed Anonymous can be ordered online.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Compulsion, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, The 12 Steps

Get connected! Learn how to get connected and begin feeling better!!

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#NINE BELIEF

Excerpts from Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) DAP. Louisville. pgs 47-50.

“Withdrawing from friends and other social contacts is the first clue that you are slipping back into the isolation and pain of depression. Move toward a friend,  get a sponsor, and go to a 12 Step meeting. Ask your Higher Power for that  nudge that can guide you into the appropriate path.”

“I know in my heart that when I just sit at home by myself, isolating and ruminating within my head about all the terrible things that have happened to me, or are about to happen, that is when I depress  myself even more. Get connected!”

It’s our addictive thinking, our compulsive way of processing infor- mation, which describes how we habitually store the negative but continue to dump the positive information which continually  24/7 flows into our brain. These negative thoughts and feelings persist in keeping  us falling back into the old habit of staying isolated and avoiding others. We might fool ourselves and say that people have nothing to offer me and that is why I distance myself from everyone. Part of my nature when depressed is to avoid and distance myself from whatever I feel is threatening, like a child afraid of the dark.

We know that depression grows stronger when   isolating ourselves from others.

Dorothy Rowe,  tells us in her award winning book, DEPRESSION: THE WAY OUT OF YOUR PRISON, that

“Seeing yourself as  a basically  good person reduces the need  for other people’s approval. If you see yourself as good, you  can set up a select group of people whose approval you desire and can be indifferent to the opinion of the multitude. But if you see yourself as basically bad then you need everybody’s approval….”

David Karp,   in  SPEAKING OF SADNESS  shares the following thought

” that depression is an illness of isolation, a dis-ease of disconnection. As with much of social life, and consequently with much compelling sociological analysis, it is irony that captures the complexity of things. The irony to be explained in Chapter 2 is that depressed persons greatly desire connection  while they are simultaneously deprived of the ability to realize it. Much of depression’s pain arises out of the recognition that what might make one feel better –human connection–seems impossible in the midst of a paralyzing episode of depression. It is rather like dying from thirst while looking at a glass of water just beyond one’s reach.”

For those who have no Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group to connect with in their own local community, our  Publisher, Depressed Anonymous Publications has made available the HOME SELF STUDY KIT. The HOME  SELF STUDY KIT program of recovery includes both the  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.  These  two excellent guides provide us with a path out of depression.   By  answering the stimulating  questions  as provided by the WORKBOOK, one also is able to discover the nature of depression while learning how to apply the 12 spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous to their own lives.

No longer do we have to be alone or feel disconnected in our depression. We provide the necessary resources to help an individual be connected with a community worldwide  who know what it means to be depressed. You don’t have to be alone any longer!

To see what literature is available from our Publisher,   visit the STORE here at our website  www.depressedanon.com. You can now order online.

Affirmations, Fellowship, Purpose

Put SUNSPOTS in your life today and everyday!

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THE   EIGHT WAY.

Excerpts from BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION.  (See resources)

“Please treat yourself  kindly! Begin to plan pleasurable activities into your life today!”

“I think one of the two things which depressed persons feel  is lacking is in not having mastery over the way they feel and believe. Secondly, they seem to have lost a desire to perform a pleasant activity which might attach their interest. One of the things I recommend for people depressed is to find one  pleasant activity that  they once enjoyed before being immobilized  by their present depression. I think it is a good learning  experience to believe that my depression won’t last forever and that someday I can feel better. In other words, I can still try and do that one thing that was a pleasant activity before I got depressed. We feel that we “have no reason to treat ourselves kindly” because we can’t find anything hopeful or of interest in our lives at the moment. We also feel that because we are so bad we don’t deserve anything good.

Also, as for planning pleasurable activities, you might want to start to  listen for the way that you talk to yourself. Try to speak kind words to  yourself as if you were talking  to a guest in your home. Talk out loud if you like–hear yourself say kind things to yourself. For once, say something  good  about  yourself instead of listening to all those old negative tapes that always made you feel you’d be better off dead. Or else someone else. You get the idea.

When you start listing your strengths as part of your Fourth Step Inventory, list all the good things that you like about yourself. (See the Depressed Anonymous Workbook and the Depressed Anonymous manual, 3rd edition., both books comprise the Home Self Study Program of Recovery).

With every negative statement about  yourself don’t allow yourself another statement about yourself until you are able to replace it with three positive statements.  We call these your SUNSPOTS.  I mean let’s be fair and balance this thing out! I know that you might feel a bit uncomfortable about prizing yourself, byut give it a try anyway.”

Also, plan some activities for the next day and write them  on your calendar. This is especially important for the weekend days   when there are so many hours that we may find hard to fill.  Some of us have made  plans  for each of the hours of the day.  We must force ourselves to get active.  Our life may depend on it!

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NOTE: Another resource for personal reflection is the work titled  I’ll do it when I feel better which presents some basic personal behaviors which can lead us out of our personal prison.

RESOURCES: COPYRIGHT(c)  BELIEVING IS SEEING:   15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION. Hugh Smith (2017) DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. LOUISVILLE.  pgs.43, 44,45,46.

COPYRIGHT(C)  I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETTER. Hugh Smith  (2016) DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. LOUISVILLE.

HOME SELF STUDY KIT 

COPYRIGHT(c) DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS, 3rd edition.   (2011) DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. LOUISVILLE.

COPYRIGHT(c) THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOLUS WORKBOOK. (2011) DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. LOUISVILLE.

NOTE: To order online please   VISIT THE STORE. There you find other excellent resources on the subject of depression and recovery.

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We are only as weak as the secrets we keep

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“One of the best ways to break our dependency on our sadness is to share/admit our depression to members of the Depressed Anonymous groups. We know how depression flourishes and grows strong in the privacy and solitude of our minds. Depression gradually dies in the light of open sharing and frank discussion. ” ‘We are only as weak as the secrets we keep.’ “ Believing is seeing. Pages 39-40

“An addictive depression has an energy all of its own; it feeds on itself and on our attempt to overcome it, just as any addiction does. We become accustomed to it, addicted to being depressed. And even though it feels awful, we cling to it because it givers us a solid sense of self. For most of us the attachment is a transient one that follows certain blows to our egos; we wind up kicking ourselves out of it before it goes on too long. Others go into therapy and try to find a somewhat better self-image to substitute. But some of us make a lifelong habit of it; it is how we really feel about ourselves, way down deep.”

SOURCE: Addiction and grace: Love and grace in the healing of addictions. Dr. Gerald May. Harper San Francisco.1989.

This is a quote from the 7th Way of Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Hugh Smith. 2017. Pages 40-41.