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The Emotional Debt of Depression: Why Recovery Feels Like Climbing Out of a Hole

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The Weight of Three Lost Years

In December 2019, I experienced a loss that shattered me. What I thought was just grief stretched into something deeper—months became years. I wasn’t just sad; I was drowning in a dirty pit, but I didn’t realize it.

For over three years, I drifted through life in a fog, convinced I was failing rather than recognizing I was sick. Responsibilities piled up. Unanswered messages turned into shame and self-hate. Self-care became a brief distraction rather than real relief. Depression wasn’t just stealing my present—it was emotional debt, an overwhelming backlog of everything I had left undone.

By January 2023, I had nothing left. I decided to end it. But I was stopped, taken away, and released. At a crossroads, I chose to try living again—for reasons I won’t go into here. Seeking help led to diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), complex PTSD (cPTSD), and ADHD, finally giving me answers. I wasn’t lazy or broken—I had been unwell.

But knowing that didn’t erase the damage. Three years of untreated depression left me three years behind. I’m still climbing as it’s not just the three years of severe depression. I have had depressive periods throughout my life, like many of you. Depression isn’t just suffering in the moment—it’s the weight of neglect, avoidance, and shame. This article is for anyone stuck in that hole, wondering how to begin again. Because I’ve been there. 

And step by step, the debt can be repaid.

Section 1: Understanding Emotional Debt – The Accumulation of “Overdue” Life Responsibilities

Depression doesn’t just take away your happiness—it steals your ability to maintain your life. Tasks that once seemed simple—answering messages, doing the laundry, showering—start to feel impossible. As responsibilities pile up, they don’t just sit there. They gain weight.

Much like financial debt, emotional debt grows over time. The longer things go undone, the more overwhelming they feel, and the harder it becomes to start again. What might have been a simple five-minute task last week now feels like an impossible challenge.

What is Emotional Debt?

Just like unpaid bills rack up late fees and interest, emotional debt accumulates the longer it’s ignored. What starts as a few small undone tasks snowballs into an overwhelming burden that feels impossible to pay off.

  • Unfinished tasks: Bills go unpaid, emails pile up, dishes sit in the sink.
  • Neglected relationships: Messages go unanswered, friends fade away, and isolation grows.
  • Self-care disappears: Basic hygiene, meals, and doctor’s appointments become overwhelming.
  • Deadlines and obligations slip: Work, school, and personal responsibilities fall behind.

Why Does Depression Create This Debt?

Depression is more than just sadness—it fundamentally alters your brain’s ability to initiate and follow through on tasks.

  • Energy and motivation are drained.
    • Depression feels like moving through quicksand—everything takes more effort than it should.
    • Simple tasks become exhausting, leading to avoidance.
  • The brain deprioritizes non-essential activities.
    • When struggling to survive, things like chores and socializing feel unimportant.
    • This isn’t a conscious choice—your brain is rationing its limited energy.
  • The avoidance cycle begins.
    • Each undone task feels bigger and more shameful.
    • Avoidance brings temporary relief but worsens the long-term burden.
    • The heavier it gets, the more impossible it seems to start again.

The Invisible Cost of Emotional Debt

Unlike financial debt, emotional debt isn’t obvious to others.

  • The pressure builds quietly.
    • No one sees the unopened mail, the missed calls, or the untouched to-do lists weighing you down.
    • You may look fine on the surface while internally drowning.
  • Shame compounds the debt.
    • “Why can’t I just do this?”
    • “Everyone else manages—what’s wrong with me?”
    • Self-blame makes the debt feel like a personal failure rather than a symptom of depression.

The Path Forward: Recognizing the Debt Without Letting It Define You

If you’ve accumulated emotional debt, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. Depression makes it easy to fall behind, but it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of moving forward.

  • The key isn’t repaying it all at once—it’s breaking the cycle of avoidance.
  • Small steps are the way out—momentum builds faster than you think.
  • Emotional debt is real, but it’s not permanent.
  • You are not past the point of recovery.

Depression makes you believe you’re buried, but in reality, you are not stuck—you’re just carrying too much. And little by little, you can start to let go.

For a more detailed article on the scientific reasons behind the apathy so common to depression, read here:
https://depressedanon.com/the-science-of-depression-and-apathy-why-its-hard-to-care-and-how-to-overcome-it/

Section 2: Guilt, Shame, and Learned Helplessness – The Traps That Keep Us Stuck

Depression doesn’t just weigh you down in the present—it convinces you that you can never climb out. Even when you recognize the emotional debt piling up, guilt, shame, and avoidance keep you trapped in the cycle. Each time you try to act, the overwhelming backlog of undone tasks makes starting feel impossible. These are the psychological traps that turn emotional debt into something that feels insurmountable.

Guilt and Shame: The Emotional Interest Rates

Much like financial debt, emotional debt doesn’t just sit there—it grows. The longer things remain undone, the more guilt and shame compound, making it even harder to start.

  • Guilt whispers, “You should have done this sooner.”
    • Even thinking about tackling overdue responsibilities triggers anxiety.
    • The weight of past mistakes makes even simple actions feel overwhelming.
  • Shame says, “You’re a failure for not doing it.”
    • It turns undone tasks into proof of worthlessness.
    • Rather than seeing struggles as part of an illness, shame makes them feel like defects.
    • Instead of motivating action, it reinforces the belief that trying is pointless.
  • The result? Avoidance.
    • Rather than facing the discomfort of catching up, the easiest response is to do nothing.
    • But the longer things go untouched, the greater the guilt and shame become.
    • This creates a self-reinforcing cycle—the more you avoid, the worse you feel, and the worse you feel, the more you avoid.

Avoidance Loops: The Psychological Equivalent of Minimum Payments

Avoidance is depression’s most effective trap. It tricks you into thinking you’re relieving stress by pushing things off, when in reality, you’re only delaying the inevitable while accumulating more emotional interest.

  • How avoidance loops start:
    • You don’t reply to a message → It feels too awkward to respond late → You never respond at all.
    • You miss a bill → Late fees pile up → You avoid checking your account.
    • You put off cleaning → The mess grows overwhelming → It feels impossible to start.
  • The consequences of avoidance:
    • Small tasks grow into huge burdens.
    • Anxiety increases because responsibilities don’t disappear—they just get heavier.
    • Each avoided action reinforces the belief that you’re incapable of handling life.
  • Breaking the cycle:
    • Recognizing avoidance as a temporary relief that leads to long-term stress.
    • Understanding that tackling one small thing is more effective than waiting for the “right moment” to do everything.
    • Finding ways to reduce decision fatigue—automating tasks, setting timers, or having accountability partners.

Learned Helplessness: When the Debt Feels Impossible to Pay Off

One of the cruelest tricks of depression is convincing you that nothing you do will make a difference. This mindset—learned helplessness—turns emotional debt into something that feels impossible to repay.

  • What is learned helplessness?
    • Repeated failures (or perceived failures) make it seem like trying isn’t worth it.
    • The belief that effort leads to disappointment, so it’s safer not to try at all.
    • Even when change is possible, depression convinces you it’s not.
  • How it keeps you stuck:
    • “I’ll never catch up, so why bother?”
    • “Even if I start, I’ll just fail again.”
    • “It’s too late to fix things now.”
  • How to challenge it:
    • Start small. Depression thrives on the idea that change must be drastic. 
      • Instead, prove to yourself that small actions matter.
    • Look for past successes, no matter how small. 
      • Even brushing your teeth after days of neglect is a win.
    • Create proof that effort pays off. 
      • Instead of focusing on what’s undone, focus on the moments where action—even tiny action—made life easier.

Breaking Free from the Traps: Reclaiming Your Life, One Step at a Time

Emotional debt feels permanent, but it isn’t. When you’re buried under years of avoidance, self-doubt, and unfinished responsibilities, it’s easy to believe that you’ll never climb out. But that belief—that you’re too far gone, too late, too broken—isn’t reality. It’s depression lying to you. Guilt, shame, and avoidance aren’t truths about who you are; they are symptoms of the illness you’ve been fighting. And like any illness, healing is possible.

The good news? You don’t have to fix everything at once. In fact, trying to do that will only make the weight feel heavier. The first step isn’t catching up—it’s stopping the cycle from getting worse. It’s choosing to act, even in the smallest way, instead of staying frozen.

  • Small actions build momentum.
    • Recovery isn’t one grand, sweeping effort—it’s a series of tiny choices.
    • Every single step forward, no matter how small, disproves the lie that effort doesn’t matter.
    • You don’t need to climb out of the hole in one leap; you just need to find one foothold.
  • Self-compassion is your lifeline.
    • Beating yourself up won’t make progress easier—it will just make the climb feel steeper.
    • Let go of the idea that you should have done better and focus on what you can do now.
    • The past may have been shaped by depression, but the future is shaped by the choices you make today.
  • You are not behind—you are rebuilding.
    • It’s not about “catching up” to where you think you should be.
    • It’s about creating a life that feels lighter, more manageable, and more hopeful.
    • Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past—it means choosing to move forward despite it.

If depression has buried you in debt, recovery from this debt is the process of reclaiming your future, one step at a time. No matter how deep the hole feels, there is always a way forward. And even if you can’t see the progress yet, every small act of self-care, every moment of effort, every choice to keep going is proof that you are already climbing out.

Section 3: Climbing Out of the Hole – Building a Sustainable Path Forward

Emotional debt isn’t repaid overnight, and recovery isn’t about rushing to “catch up” with life. It’s about creating a sustainable path forward—one where you’re not just surviving, but slowly rebuilding, with less weight on your shoulders.

The most important thing to remember? You are not beyond saving. No matter how long you’ve been stuck, no matter how much feels undone, progress is always possible.

1. Redefining Success – Small Wins Over Big Fixes

Depression convinces you that unless you can fix everything, it’s not worth trying. But real progress happens in small, steady steps.

  • Set “low-bar” goals that feel achievable.
    • Instead of “I need to clean my whole house,” try “I will clear one small space.”
    • Instead of “I need to fix all my relationships,” try “I will send one message.”
  • Celebrate every step forward.
    • Success isn’t about speed—it’s about consistency.
    • Every small action is proof that you are capable of moving forward.
  • Accept that some things may remain unfinished.
    • Not everything has to be “made up” to move on.
    • Focus on what will serve you now, not what’s already past.

2. Breaking Free From the “All-or-Nothing” Trap

Depression makes it easy to fall into extremes—either you do everything, or you do nothing. But the truth is, every bit of progress counts, even if it’s imperfect.

  • Progress doesn’t have to be linear.
    • Some days you’ll get a lot done. Other days, just getting out of bed is a victory.
    • That’s normal. Moving forward doesn’t mean never slipping back.
  • Partial success is still success.
    • Washing half the dishes is better than washing none.
    • Responding to one message is better than ignoring all of them.
    • Doing something is always better than doing nothing.
  • Make “good enough” your new standard.
    • A slightly messy room is still more functional than an overwhelming disaster.
    • A short check-in with a friend is still a connection.
    • Progress is about lightening the weight, not achieving perfection.

3. Building Routines That Support You, Not Drain You

Rebuilding your life after depression isn’t about willpower—it’s about systems. Making things easier for yourself increases the chance that you’ll follow through.

  • Lower decision fatigue.
    • Reduce the mental energy needed for daily tasks.
    • Prep simple meals, keep a “default” outfit, or set up reminders.
    • Fewer choices mean less overwhelm.
  • Use structure as support, not pressure.
    • A loose plan (e.g., “I’ll do laundry on Sundays”) is helpful.
    • A rigid, perfectionist plan (e.g., “I must clean everything today”) is self-defeating.
    • Allow flexibility—your schedule should help, not punish.
  • Make self-care automatic.
    • If you struggle with remembering basic needs, pair them with existing habits.
    • Example: Brush your teeth while waiting for coffee.
    • Example: Drink water every time you check your phone.

4. Finding Support – You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Recovery doesn’t have to be a solo journey. The more you can lean on support systems, the easier it is to break free from emotional debt.

  • Seek understanding, not judgment.
    • The right people won’t shame you for what you’ve struggled with.
    • Talking about your experience can help lift the burden of isolation.
  • Professional help can make a difference.
    • Therapy, medication, or coaching can provide tools and perspective.
    • If you don’t know where to start, a small step (even just looking up options) is progress.
  • Accountability helps, even in small ways.
    • A friend to check in with can provide gentle encouragement.
    • Even virtual communities can offer motivation and support.

5. Looking Ahead – The Future is Still Yours

It’s easy to feel like the past has defined you, like the years lost to depression have set your future in stone. But you are not your past. You are not your mistakes, your missed opportunities, or the things left undone.

  • You are still here. And that means you still have a chance to rebuild.
  • The life you want is still possible, even if it takes time.
  • Step by step, you are moving forward. And that is enough.

No matter how deep the debt, there is always a way out.

And you, right now, are already taking the first step.

Conclusion: Climbing Out of the Hole, One Step at a Time

Recovering from depression isn’t about paying everything back at once—it’s about breaking the cycle of avoidance and proving to yourself, one small step at a time, that progress is possible.

At first, it feels impossible. The weight of everything left undone presses down, and the guilt, shame, and exhaustion make even the smallest actions seem pointless. Depression convinces you that if you can’t fix everything, there’s no point in trying at all. But here’s the truth: Every step forward—no matter how small—is progress.

  • Washing one dish is progress.
  • Sending one message is progress.
  • Getting out of bed, even if it’s just to sit somewhere else, is progress.
  • Choosing to believe, even for a moment, that tomorrow can be better—that’s progress too.

You don’t need to erase the past. You don’t need to fix everything overnight. You just need to start moving forward, little by little, until the weight begins to lift.

The climb may be slow. Some days, you may slip back. But you are still moving. And the more you move, the lighter the burden becomes. The tasks that once felt impossible begin to feel manageable. The shame that once kept you frozen starts to loosen its grip. Little by little, step by step, you realize that the future isn’t as out of reach as depression made it seem.

Emotional debt is real. It is overwhelming. But it is also repayable. 

You are not too far gone. 

You are not broken. 

And you are not alone in this.

No matter how deep the hole feels, you are already climbing out. And that is enough.

———————————–

Find more of my articles here:
– https://depressedanon.com/author/chrism/

Choice, Focus, Purpose

Short Term Success vs. Long Term Success

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Short term success looks a little different than long term success.

The key to short term success is INTENSITY. The key to long term success is CONSISTENCY.

Short Term Success

I’m also a member of AA and a strong suggestion to newcomers there is they do a 90 in 90 – i.e. attend 90 meetings in 90 days. There are plenty of online meetings available for Depressed Anonymous found at Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings. I attend meetings from the DA group Journeys of Hope and they host 23 meetings weekly (see the link for information).

Say you first join DA at a real low point in your depression. You may be in need of some intensive action on your part so you may need to do a 90 in 90. Only you can make that call. I would suggest you initially commit to a 7 in 7 – just a week where you attend a meeting daily. At the end of those 7 days you can decide to extend it the full 90 days.

Long Term Success

OK you are past the initial crisis of being in the pit of depression. Things are better than they once were. Don’t rest on your laurels. You must maintain your DA sobriety (i.e. sanity).

Suggestions for the long term:

  • Determine for yourself the minimum number of DA meetings you are going to go to each week. This must be a distinct number that is achievable. Don’t say “I’ll go to as many meetings as I can”. How will you know that you achieved that?

    For me, when I am doing well the commitment is two 12 Step meetings a week (either AA or DA for me). Come hell or high water I will make that number of meetings a week.

    If I am off-center or experiencing some real difficulties in my life that minimum grows to four 12 Step meetings weekly. If my ass falls off I’ll put it in a bag and go to a meeting.
  • At every meeting you go to you need to share. It doesn’t need to be sharing at depth – just claim your seat. Say your name and that you are recovering from depression. If you don’t feel that well say your name and that you are struggling with depression. Never say you suffer from depression because when you say that you SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION.
  • Start doing service at the meetings you attend. If an online meeting volunteer to be the timekeeper. Volunteer to read from recovery literature. Volunteer to chair a meeting. If it is a face to face meeting volunteer to be the greeter.
  • Get a sponsor and communicate with that sponsor frequently. How frequently you communicate with them is a mutual agreement between you and your sponsor.
  • Communicate with other members of DA. Call people on the contact list. Join the DA WhatsApp group and participate in the chat. If you go to a face to face meeting meet for coffee or lunch.
  • Work the Steps with your sponsor or co-sponsorship group. You need to look within and participate with others to lock that recovery into your brain.

Achieve your recovery goals whether they are short term or long term.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Acceptance, Courage, Focus, Forgiveness, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Mindfulness, Positivity

The Science of Depression and Apathy: Why It’s Hard to Care and How to Overcome It

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Understanding Apathy in Depression: The Brain’s Role and How to Reignite Motivation

Apathy—the feeling of not caring, lacking motivation, and struggling to take action—is a common and frustrating symptom of depression. It can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming and strip away enjoyment from things that once brought pleasure. Many people experiencing apathy describe it as feeling emotionally “numb” or disconnected, making it hard to engage with life in meaningful ways.

This isn’t just a matter of willpower—it’s rooted in the brain. Changes in brain chemistry, disrupted neural pathways, and prolonged stress responses all contribute to the difficulty in finding motivation. When key brain systems are out of sync, activities that once felt rewarding may seem pointless, and even basic self-care can feel exhausting.

The good news is that apathy isn’t permanent, and there are ways to gently restore motivation. By understanding the biological causes, we can use targeted strategies—such as lifestyle changes, DBT techniques, and other practical tools—to work with the brain rather than against it. Small, consistent steps can gradually rebuild engagement, making it easier to reconnect with daily life.

1. Neurotransmitter Imbalances (Brain Chemicals Out of Sync)

What’s Happening?

Neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine that help send signals between nerve cells, helping regulate mood, motivation, and energy levels. In depression:

  • Dopamine (the “motivation & reward” chemical) is often low, making activities feel unrewarding.
  • Serotonin (the “mood stabilizer”) can be depleted, leading to feelings of emptiness.
  • Norepinephrine (the “energy & focus” chemical) may be lacking, causing sluggishness and lack of drive.

How It Feels:

  • “I know I should get up and do something, but I just don’t care.”
  • “Nothing feels interesting or worth the effort.”
  • “Even simple tasks seem exhausting.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Dopamine Boosters:
    • Behavioral Activation (DBT Technique): Start small with one task, even if you don’t feel like it. Completing something, even small, can trigger a dopamine release.
    • Eat Protein-Rich Foods: Eggs, lean meats, nuts, and seeds help the brain produce dopamine naturally.
    • Celebrate Small Wins: Checking off tasks, no matter how small, reinforces reward pathways.
    • Engage in Play & Novelty: Trying new things (even a new coffee shop or music genre) can stimulate dopamine.
  • Serotonin Boosters:
    • Get Sunlight: 10–20 minutes of sunlight daily boosts serotonin production. If sunlight is scarce, consider a light therapy lamp.
    • Exercise (Even Light Activity): Walking, stretching, or gentle yoga can naturally raise serotonin levels.
    • Complex Carbs & Omega-3s: Whole grains, bananas, salmon, and walnuts help serotonin production.
    • Gratitude Practice: Listing three things you appreciate can subtly improve serotonin levels.
  • Norepinephrine Boosters:
    • Cold Showers or Splashing Cold Water on Face: Activates alertness by stimulating norepinephrine.
    • Listening to Upbeat Music: Can improve alertness and mood.

2. Brain Structure & Connectivity Issues

What’s Happening?

Brain imaging studies show that depression reduces activity in the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making, motivation, and self-regulation) and alters the function of the basal ganglia (involved in movement and reward). These changes make starting tasks and feeling motivated physically harder.

How It Feels:

  • “I know I need to do this, but my brain just won’t cooperate.”
  • “Everything feels mentally ‘foggy’ or slow.”
  • “I want to care, but it feels impossible.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Mindfulness & Deep Breathing (DBT Technique): Activating the prefrontal cortex through meditation or guided breathing helps re-engage decision-making abilities.
  • ‘5-Minute Rule’: Commit to just five minutes of an activity. Once you start, it’s easier to keep going.
  • Movement-Based Therapy: Even slow, rhythmic movements (walking, stretching, rocking) stimulate the basal ganglia, making action feel more natural.
  • Cognitive Engagement: Reading, puzzles, or mentally stimulating activities (even games) can help reconnect brain pathways.

3. White Matter & Neural Pathway Disruptions

What’s Happening?

Depression can affect white matter, which is responsible for connecting different brain regions. When these connections weaken, it becomes harder to transition from thought to action, and emotions and motivation may feel “disconnected.”

How It Feels:

  • “I want to care, but it feels like my brain won’t let me.”
  • “My thoughts feel stuck or disconnected.”
  • “I can think about what I should do, but I can’t make myself do it.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Physical Touch & Sensory Input:
    • Weighted blankets or hugging something soft can activate the nervous system, improving processing speed.
    • Holding an object (like a stress ball) while thinking about a task can bridge the gap between thought and action.
  • Routine & Repetition: The brain strengthens used pathways, so sticking to small, repeated actions (e.g., morning coffee ritual, a short daily walk) rewires motivation circuits over time.
  • Journaling (DBT Technique): Writing down small, actionable steps reinforces connections between thinking and doing.

4. Inflammation & Stress Hormones

What’s Happening?

Chronic stress and depression increase inflammation and over-activate the HPA axis (the stress-response system), leading to high levels of cortisol (the stress hormone). This can shut down motivation and energy over time.

How It Feels:

  • “I feel constantly drained and heavy.”
  • “I can’t handle even small amounts of stress.”
  • “Everything feels overwhelming and exhausting.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Anti-Inflammatory Foods:
    • Turmeric, ginger, green tea, blueberries, and dark chocolate have been linked to reduced inflammation and improved mood.
    • Probiotics (yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut) help gut health, which is connected to mood regulation.
  • Gentle Movement:
    • Restorative yoga or slow stretching reduces cortisol levels and promotes relaxation.
  • Grounding Techniques (DBT Strategy):
    • Engaging the five senses (noticing textures, scents, and sounds) shifts the body out of stress mode and lowers cortisol.

5. Apathy vs. Depression: Understanding the Difference

What’s Happening?

  • Depression includes persistent sadness, guilt, and emotional pain.
  • Apathy is more about feeling empty, indifferent, or lacking motivation. Some people with apathy don’t feel deeply sad—they just feel nothing.

How It Feels:

  • “I don’t feel sad, I just don’t feel anything.”
  • “Even things I know I used to love don’t spark interest.”
  • “I don’t have the energy to care about anything.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Act ‘As If’ (DBT Opposite Action Strategy):
    • Even if you don’t feel like engaging, acting as if you do (e.g., putting on upbeat music, forcing a smile, standing up straight) can create emotional momentum.
  • Social Connection:
    • Even short, low-effort interactions (texting a friend, sitting in a café) can stimulate engagement without requiring deep emotional effort.
  • Creative Expression:
    • If verbal communication feels exhausting, express through art, music, or movement.

Final Thoughts: Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Apathy in depression is not a personal failure—it’s the result of complex biochemical and neurological processes. The key is to work with your brain, using small, manageable steps to gently reignite motivation.

These strategies might seem small, difficult, or even silly at first—especially when motivation is low. However, science shows that even tiny actions can gradually rewire the brain and restore a sense of engagement. The key is consistency; small efforts build over time, making it easier to regain momentum.

If apathy is severe and persistent, consider professional support, such as therapy, medication, or structured behavioral programs. You are not alone in this, and there are ways to regain motivation and joy, one step at a time.

This article is dedicated to my dear friend Max, whose strength and resilience in the face of struggle continue to inspire me. You’ve been there for me in ways that I strive to match, and I hope these insights can offer you the same support and understanding you’ve always given me. May we both continue to grow, support one another, and find hope in the smallest steps.

Sources

 

Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Focus

Using Positive Psychology to Manage Depression

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Some of us rebel at the thought of a Higher Power and subsequently the whole 12 Step program. I personally believe Depressed Anonymous is the best thing to manage my depression long term but I want people to heal and have hope regarding depression. Healing is even more important than the 12 Steps. With that in mind here is some free training available for Positive Psychology.

  1. Foundations of Positive Psychology Specialization led by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the founder of positive psychology. https://www.coursera.org/specializations/positivepsychology
  2. The Science of Well-Being from Yale, available on Coresera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?
  3. BerkeleyX: The Science of Happiness from Ucal Berkeley. https://www.edx.org/learn/happiness/university-of-california-berkeley-the-science-of-happiness
  4. BerkeleyX: The Foundations of Happiness at Work written talking about work. https://www.edx.org/learn/happiness/university-of-california-berkeley-the-foundations-of-happiness-at-work
  5. Develop Creating and Happy Mindset from Udemy. https://www.udemy.com/course/rise-in-love/?couponCode=ST5MT020225BUS
  6. A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment hosted by Coursera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness
  7. APA: Positive Psychology https://www.edx.org/learn/psychology/american-psychological-association-positive-psychology
  8. Positive Psychology hosted by Coursera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology

NOTE – These were free on the day this post was written. That may change over time.

The goal here was to provide alternative ways of healing from depression. This is for informational purposes only. Depressed Anonymous is not endorsing nor recommending any of these courses.

Choice, Courage, Focus, Mindfulness

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

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I sometimes ask other people to write for the blog. Here is one such post.

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

Mornings have always been the hardest part of the day for me. For years, waking up felt like dragging myself out of a dark pit, and some mornings, the effort seemed impossible. I’m Chris M., a member of Depressed Anonymous (DA) since June 2023. My journey into DA began after a three-year severe depressive episode that culminated in a crisis—a decision to end my pain. Thankfully, that decision resulted in my hospitalization under a 51/50 order, where I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (cPTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), and ADHD.

After 22 weeks of Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), I found solace in DA, and it’s here that I’ve come to call myself a Saddict—someone who struggles with and seeks to overcome the grip of depression. My interest in why mornings hit so hard led me to explore the biology and psychology of what we often refer to in DA as the “morning blues.”

This blog reflects my own research and lived experience, highlighting the factors that contribute to these morning struggles and offering strategies to cope with them. Continuity in approach has been a lifesaver for me, and I hope the insights shared here resonate with fellow Saddicts.

Why Are Mornings So Difficult?

Mornings are a challenge for many dealing with depression, and there are biological, psychological, and behavioral factors at play. By understanding these elements, we can identify strategies to make the start of the day less daunting. Here’s a breakdown:

  1. Disrupted Circadian Rhythms
    Depression often disrupts the body’s internal clock, leading to an imbalance in sleep-wake cycles. This can result in waking up feeling out of sync with the day ahead, amplifying feelings of lethargy and disorientation.
  2. Hormonal Fluctuations
    Cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, peaks in the morning as part of the natural waking process. For those with depression, this spike can feel overwhelming, triggering heightened anxiety or emotional distress.
  3. Sleep Disturbances
    Sleep is rarely restful for those of us battling depression. Insomnia, fragmented sleep, or oversleeping all contribute to starting the day in a state of exhaustion, making the simplest tasks seem insurmountable.
  4. Low Energy and Motivation
    Fatigue is a hallmark of depression. Combine that with a lack of motivation, and the effort to get out of bed can feel like climbing a mountain.
  5. Negative Thought Patterns
    Mornings often bring a flood of ruminative thoughts—anticipatory anxiety about the day ahead or harsh self-criticism. These thought patterns deepen the sense of dread many of us experience upon waking.
  6. Reduced Exposure to Natural Light
    Especially during darker months, a lack of sunlight can affect serotonin levels, a key neurotransmitter for mood regulation. This deficit contributes to a deeper sense of gloom in the mornings.
  7. Lack of Morning Routine
    Without structure, mornings can feel aimless, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy or low productivity. A chaotic start often sets the tone for the rest of the day.

The Role of Brain Chemistry

As someone with a keen interest in how brain chemistry impacts depression, I found the following factors particularly compelling:

  • Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR): For individuals with depression, the natural morning cortisol surge can feel like being hit by an emotional freight train. This exaggerated response compounds feelings of stress and anxiety.
  • Serotonin Levels: Serotonin plays a vital role in mood stabilization. Low levels, often linked to depression, are particularly problematic in the morning when the body transitions from sleep to wakefulness.
  • Dopamine Dysregulation: Dopamine drives motivation and reward. Reduced dopamine activity can make starting the day feel pointless, further fueling depressive inertia.
  • Melatonin Imbalance: High melatonin levels in the morning can lead to grogginess and make it difficult to engage with the day.
  • Inflammatory Response: Chronic low-grade inflammation, common in depression, contributes to fatigue and malaise, often more pronounced upon waking.
  • Glucose Metabolism Disruption: Poor regulation of blood sugar can cause irritability and low energy, particularly noticeable in the morning.
  • Thyroid Hormone Imbalances: Thyroid dysfunctions, such as hypothyroidism, slow metabolism and exacerbate morning fatigue.

Strategies to Alleviate Morning Blues

While mornings are a struggle, there are evidence-based approaches that can help us Saddicts face the day with a bit more ease. These techniques have been instrumental in my own journey:

  1. Radical Acceptance
    Instead of fighting against the difficulty of mornings, practice acknowledging them without judgment. Accepting “what is” can reduce the additional emotional toll of wishing things were different.
  2. Opposite Action
    When every fiber of your being wants to stay in bed, challenge yourself to do the opposite. Even small actions, like sitting up or stepping into sunlight, can help disrupt the depressive inertia.
  3. Morning Routine
    Creating a structured morning routine can provide a sense of purpose. Include small wins like making your bed, journaling, or sipping a comforting cup of tea.
  4. Exposure to Natural Light
    Open your curtains or step outside to soak in natural light. This can help regulate serotonin and improve your mood.
  5. Movement
    Gentle physical activity, like stretching or a short walk, can boost endorphins and energize you for the day ahead.
  6. Nutrition
    Start the day with a balanced meal to stabilize blood sugar levels and provide energy. Including protein, healthy fats, and whole grains can make a noticeable difference.
  7. Mindfulness and Grounding Exercises
    Use techniques like deep breathing, body scans, or grounding exercises to center yourself and reduce morning anxiety.

A Continuity of Approach

Mornings are hard, but the strategies above can make them less so. As Saddicts, we know that continuity is key—whether it’s sticking to a routine, practicing DBT techniques, or simply showing up for ourselves each day. Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. If you’re struggling with morning blues, know that you’re not alone, and there are tools and a community here to support you.

Yours,
Chris M.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change strategies. Originally created for borderline personality disorder, DBT has proven effective for treating depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other conditions involving intense emotions. It focuses on developing skills in four key areas: mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, helping individuals build resilience and improve their quality of life.

12 Step Meeting, Act As If, Belief, DA Literature, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, Meditation, Purpose

The Bright Light of Hope

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If we have worked the 12 Steps on a daily basis, we now realize the value of surrender and the power that releases in us, just by making a decision in Step Three to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God” is the beginning of reconnection with life and ourselves. It is in the group that the depressed person begins trusting their members where they have admitted that their lives are unmanageable, and that they have made a conscious decision to turn their lives over to God, or the Higher Power. The Twelve Step program helps people to become God conscious. It is in working the program while making no excuses for the spiritual nature of our recovery, we can begin to attribute our new-found sense of hope and peace to the Higher Power. For the active member of Depressed Anonymous there begins to glimmer in the distance, the bright light of hope.

Submitted by Janet M.

Focus, Positivity, Purpose

Is Serenity Boring?

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On the phone with a fellow traveler this morning, a question arose.  Is Serenity boring?  Let us consult.  So Oxford Languages says:  serenity is the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.  Boring (same dictionary) means not interesting, tedious.  This called up an immediate yawn in a three-part sigh, my hand over my mouth and feeling tired.  If we go a step further and look up Depression, Oxford says:  a medical condition in which a person feels very sad, anxious and without hope and often has physical symptoms as being unable to sleep.  (Of course, that is without Depressed Anonymous.)

Clearly, none of these is alike or interchangeable.  Serenity is a beckoning warmth, it invites us to “calm”, “untroubled ” waters.  At least every other day, I walk the 1 and 5/8 miles around Jamaica Pond.  This habit I acquired from hearing at a meeting how walking could help my depression.  Each day is a little different but my favorites are the clear-as-glass, not-a-ripple in the water except the trailing stream that follows the single file geese babies sandwiched straight up between the mom and dad.  And the end of day dusk walks with enough light for the trees and shrubs to be two places at once:  on the shore and topping the water in a marvelous mirage.  When it is quite dark dusk, it takes a while for eyes to focus in such pale light.  But then comes the grand surprise:  a crane or heron in silhouette of black, white and grey.  These are the gift of the day and evening:  the Pond giveth…..  Oh, Thank God for nature, it sets me right, it lifts my heart, it takes the toxicity of the world and injects it with its antidote of Sacredness.

Now, about Serenity.  God does grant it but maybe not right on waking.  After an inspirational reading, a little meditation, my regular yoga, a walk around the condo praying for the planet especially the animals and blessing the space, talking or texting with my DA family via phone/What’s App, things are feeling pretty good.  Good enough to start my day both knowing and feeling  I am not alone.  These, for me, hold the seeds of hope and inspiration.

Today I started something new.  Because I want that sacred thread through my day, that conscious contact with the Power greater than myself through my day.  I want extraordinary, I want to have it, to hold it, to live it.  If you had a catechism you may remember the very first question/answer.  “Where is God?  God is everywhere”!!  How I wish that teaching was expounded so we could learn and know that there is nowhere that God is not, to the edges of the Universe and to each and every heart, God is there.  And so is Divine Peace, Joy, Presence, Knowing, Bliss.  These, like God,  are always available.  The Universe (another name of God) holds no grudges, and wants me to receive all of its Good and I can have that Good.  I only need to catch the glimpse (like that heron on the dusky pond) to see it with my very own eyes and to remember God is with me and all is well.

For these ideals, I find a new use for my phone.  Every two hours I sent an alarm and so when the chime rings, there I am in an instant appointment with Higher Power, no need to wait in line.  I talk and listen and offer a prayer.  Since last Summer its been particularly challenging and that reminds me my very best prayers are “Thy will be done, not mine” and “Thank You.”

So this is how I’m wired now, wired with Twelve Steps and single days.  If you are wired like this too, we can answer the question together, is any of this boring?  “We think not.”  And as for Depression, it is what it is.  Against me alone, it can take a shot, although I vow to kick that beast to the curb every time.  But against me + my Higher Power, and me + the Power of the Group, it doesn’t have a chance.

Is Serenity boring?  I/We ….. Think …… Not.

Doreen K., New Year’s Eve, 2023

Acceptance, Act As If, Choice, Courage, Focus, Hope, Purpose

Am I a victim?

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The topic of victim hood has come up several times in different meetings I’ve attended. There is some toxic self help out there that states that no one is a victim. I firmly do not believe that statement.

Do people inflict pain upon one another? Yes they do, sometimes that hurt is intentional, and sometimes it is not intentional. So I believe that victims exist in the world.

The problem for us as depressed people is not that we have been victimized – the problem is when we identify as being a victim. A better question to ask is:

Have I been victimized? (notice past tense here)

It’s when we make being a victim as our main identity that it becomes a problem.

I choose NOT to say “I suffer from depression” because then I identify with suffering from depression. I’m not denying that I’m often visited by the symptoms of depression. What I choose to do is instead focus on healing and recovery. “I am recovering from depression” is a much better and healthier statement for me. It points me in the direction of healing and hope.

Focus on hope and healing as that is the way out of depression.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Belief, Choice, Focus, Helpful Thinking

What you focus on grows

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What you focus on grows.
– Stephen Covey

Prior to recovery my focus was directed at what was wrong and why am I experiencing the difficulties in my life. I only dug the hole deeper making it that much harder to get out. If I look for problems I will find them. If I look for sadness and darkness I will find that as well.

The challenge that faces me is that I need to see things in a new way. I need to focus on love and healing. I need to seek out the good in the world because if I look for it I will find it. I strive to point my focus onto recovery and healing. I’m working the program and not working the problem. I’m not doing it in a Pollyanna way – I recognize that I have a disease and I’m not denying I have depression. I choose to focus on recovery and healing.

The true journey of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
– Marcel Proust

I challenge you to change your focus. What you focus on grows. Focus on recovery and healing. You are worth it.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

12 Step Meeting, Affirmations, Choice, Community building, Courage, Depressed Anonymous, Faith, Focus, Prayer, Service, The 12 Steps, The Promises

Not everything faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced

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I have found this statement, by James Baldwin to be as true as day is long. I also know from my own experiences. When fear comes upon us like a dark cloud, we are tempted to run. When an obstacle prevents us from reaching a goal, we stop. But when we make that decision to face the problem, good things start to happen.

Today, I am going to choose to face the problem-whatever that might be. I am choosing to use the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous to make this happen.

Hugh S.